


over a cup of tea

by respoftw



Series: 35 Ways To Say I Love You In The Pegasus Galaxy [4]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, Grief, Love Confessions, M/M, Mourning, Spoilers for s03e17: Sunday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 18:19:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7768285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ways to say I Love You #4: over a cup of tea</p>
            </blockquote>





	over a cup of tea

**Author's Note:**

> This is set post-Sunday so Carson is dead (sob!). I've not tagged as MCD as it doesn't happen in the fic but be warned.

Mrs Beckett was a much stronger woman than Carson had thought she was. Rodney had recognised that strength in her the very first time he had overheard her talking to her son on speakerphone, back when Atlantis was just a hope and a prayer. That overheard phone call was also the first moment that Rodney had realised that Carson Beckett was a Mummy's boy through and through.

During his and Carson's time in Antarctica and the thrice weekly Beckett family phone calls, Rodney hadn't been able to avoid a passing familiarity with Moira Beckett. Not after the first time he had barrelled into Carson's lab to complain about the fact that they were all pinning their hopes on an _anthropologist_ of all people and an even thicker Scottish accent, slightly tinny and distorted by the snow storm outside had demanded that Carson introduce his friend.

Rodney had grown fond of Moira during those interminable weeks and months, going so far as to join Carson at the start of their final goodbye to pass on his own regards. It had been nice to know that there were loving families out there and he had only felt a little bit of shame that he was expending his time saying goodbye to Carson's family rather than his own.

During those phone calls, Moira had always insisted that if Rodney were ever to come and visit them in Paisley he would be welcomed as family. She often threatened to make something called stovies for him and his instinctive reaction to ask if that was made with citrus had been met with a peal of laughter. "We're Scottish, laddie," she had said, "what would be doing putting lemon in a perfectly good bit of minced beef?"

Rodney had always regretted that he'd never got the chance to meet her in person.

He wishes that he didn't have to now.

* * *

 

The flights from Cheyenne to New York to London to Glasgow were long and exhausting and it was only during their four hour layover in JFK airport that Rodney started to realise how relieved he was that John had insisted on coming with him.

Back in Atlantis it had felt like a judgement. On his right to mourn privately, on his ability to be there for Carson's family. Carson wasn't military, John didn't have any right to muscle his way in on this. Rodney had been upset to the point of anger when Elizabeth had told him point blank that John would be going with him, fiercely protective of his grief and his right to do this alone - not just as the head of science but also as Carson's best friend.

It wasn't until he found himself close to tears as he sat on an uncomfortable plastic chair in the crowded waiting area of JFK international departure lounge that he realised that maybe John was here for _him_.

Twenty seven rounds of 'prime - not prime' and an in-depth rant about the faulty science in all of John's favourite movies later, they were finally called to board their flight. Rodney took the opportunity to knock his shoulder against John's in the rush to board, a thank you that he wasn't sure he could force out his throat without a heap of other emotions pouring out too. John's small smile said that he got it.

The layover in London was non-existent, the two of them having to hot foot it from international arrivals to domestic departures and from the moment Rodney buckled himself into his seat, every passing second brought him closer to that moment when he would have to face Moira Beckett and explain how his desire to avoid fishing had killed her son.

Paisley was situated only three miles from Glasgow airport so they had booked into one of the cheap hotels near the airport, the room clean but sparse, functional but soulless. It was good, the anonymity of the room, the dullness of the view outside. It made the trip feel less like a holiday and more like the penance that it was.

The one good thing about the long day of travelling was that Rodney was tired enough to fall asleep only seconds after his head hit the pillow.

* * *

The Beckett family home was everything Rodney had ever imagined it would be, the walls cluttered with family portraits and even a framed copy of Carson's medical licence. Moira had ushered them both into the kitchen and sat a plate of homemade stovies in front of them both, tutting disapprovingly over John's skinny frame.

She looked so much like Carson that the meal tasted like ash in his mouth.

"I thought his sisters would be here. Will they be joining us later?" Rodney asked.

"Not today, laddie," Moira said from her place at the sink. She had refused to let John or Rodney help with the washing up and turned towards them with a tea towel draped over her shoulder. "They're a wee bit upset with the American military right now and I didn't  think it was fair to put you through that."

John shifted uncomfortably in his chair and Moira smiled at him. "Don't worry your head, Colonel," she said. "We're not all that daft. I know my Carson and I know that he would never have agreed to work with them if he didn't think he was doing the right thing. Now, how do you both take your tea?"

Moira set three mugs filled to the brim with Tetley's finest on the table and sighed heavily as she sat down opposite them.

"Did he suffer?" she looked Rodney straight in the eye, almost daring him to lie to her.

Rodney shook his head as he stared down at his mug. John's legs brushed against his under the table and he looked up, raising his jaw as he met Moira's gaze. "It was quick," he said thickly. "He wouldn't have felt a thing."

Moira nodded. "That's good," she said. "He never did like pain. Not his own or anybody else's."

"Just the right qualities you look for in a doctor," Rodney remarked, freezing as he realised his words could be interpreted as callous or mean. Moira didn't seem to mind though, laughing heartily.

"Aye," she said, "we were a bit surprised ourselves but once he had an idea in his head there was no talking him out of it." She sipped her tea and seemed to gather her thoughts - her eyes carrying the weight of her grief for just a second before she pushed it away. "I know you can't tell me what he was doing or where he was," she said, "but none of that really matters, despite what my daughters think. All I want to know, all I ask you to tell me is if he was happy? " she smiled sadly as she looked between John and Rodney. "I've buried a husband and far too many friends in my years. If there's anything I've learned its that life is too short and there's no sense to wasting it with anything that doesn't make you happy. I can't imagine anything worse for him."

Rodney opened his mouth to give a stock answer but shut it again as he paused to give a proper consideration to the answer. Was Carson happy? Were any of them happy, really? He always had a smile, sure and although his thing with Cadman hadn't survived her reassignment to SGC, Carson was loved and respected and - oh, God, why hadn't he just gone fishing with him - -

"He was happy," John answered the question, interrupting the downward spiral of Rodney's thoughts. "He was helping to save lives," John continued, "he was making a difference and I know he missed you and Scotland but..where we are, where we're based, it's hard and it's scary but it's beautiful and it's home and Carson was loved there. We all loved him. He was family and I like to think he thought the same of us."

Rodney gaped at John for a moment. Catching himself, he turned towards Moira and nodded. "He'll be missed every day...I'll miss him every day and I'm so," he cleared his throat, "I'm so sorry for your loss but he died saving lives. He was a hero and someone I was proud to call my friend."

Moira sniffled a little, using the tea towel to rub at her eyes. She grabbed Rodney's hand across the table, motioning for John's hand as well. Holding each of their hands in her grasp she nodded at them. "Thank you." Her eyes filled with tears again and she laughed. "Oh, would you look at the state of me," she said. "I think I need a wee minute to sort myself out." She waved them back down as they started to rise. "Stay where you are," she insisted. "Help yourself to biscuits, I'll be back before the kettle's boiled again. Now drink up before it gets cold."

She rushed out the room, leaving them alone. John sighed as he sat his mug of tea back on the kitchen table. "She's pretty great," he said. "No wonder Carson missed being here so much."

Rodney nodded. "Yeah." He took a swallow of the bitter tea and wished for coffee; for alcohol. "Do you think she was right?" he asked.

"About what?"

"That wasting your time being unhappy is the worst thing you could do."

"Well," John sounded thoughtful, "it doesn't make a whole lot of sense being unhappy if you can do something to - -"

"- - I love you." Rodney blurted, interrupting John's slow drawl. "Carson always said I should tell you, it was half the reason I didn't want to spend an entire day fishing alone, just the two of us. I knew he'd start wheedling at me to confess my feelings and I - - I was too scared and now he's dead and life is short. It's so fucking short, John and I just need you to know that - -"

"Hey, hey," John's hand covered his, soft and calloused. "Why do you think I came here with you?"

"You love me?" Rodney asked, wide eyed with surprise.

"See," John smiled, "I knew you were a genius. I didn't want you to have to do this alone."

Rodney moved his hand so that their fingers tangled together and moved John's hand to his lips, brushing a kiss across the knuckles. "Thank you."

Moira came back in then and smiled at them both, looking more composed than she had when she'd left. "I'm glad to see you two so happy," she said as she set about making another cup of tea. "Carson always did hope that you would be. Now, tell me all about how you two met."

John smiled and rubbed his thumb across Rodney's knuckles. "Well, technically Carson is responsible for introducing us."

"He was?" Rodney asked.

"Sure. Remember how he almost killed me in Antarctica?"

Moira laughed loudly. "Oh," she exclaimed, "I need to hear that story. Tell me everything you can."

Rodney smiled as John launched into a highly redacted but hilarious account of Carson's blunder with the drones.

He was glad John was here.

Carson would have been too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com)


End file.
